No Tecca, Heck with You

Having completed Week 6 of the RIP Cory season, one thing has become abundantly clear: Tecca sucks. When I notice that boy skipping flamboyantly down the hall towards me, I don't see a lanky body obscured by a certain type of fro, I see two trains colliding. But don't take my word for it, let's examine the facts, shall we? Gifted the first overall pick despite repeated shenanigans and baggery, he currently sits at 3-3, good for a stellar 4th in the division. In addition to these unremarkable results, his demeanor in losing has been quite pooor (sic) as well. Upon being embarrassed, instead of a courteous pound or bro hug, he insists on busting out, in a voice so high that it cannot come from two testicles, the characteristic "You know what, (insert name of victorious opponent here), f--- you." Stay classy, Tecca.

But enough about the sitzmark on the undergarments of the league. Week 6 contained some truly excellent gridiron action. Natalie Clark Brighton needed a last minute TD run from Michael Turner to edge Jr. Bacon Goots Burger 95-93, despite the goose egg thrown up by Matt Hasselbeck; Mengoots was reportedly less than impressed. Speaking of Hasselbeck, a historically worthless trade occurred earlier in the week between NCB and Reverse Peristalsis All Over the Yard, sending Hasselbeck for Owen Daniels, who actually went ahead and had himself a day...on the bench. To summarize, a total of zero, as in horse collar, points were contributed by these men to their teams.

In other league action, Trashley was too busy being not clothed to instruct Sam Gest how to run his life and thus their team struggled mightily. In a related story, the Mamba was consumed with latching upon a certain bitty and so failed to have any type of day whatsoever. On the flipside of these struggles, Football Head decided to go off and reportedly made the Golden Bear bow to his sensei. Finally, in a rare bright spot for the league, Tom Brady's performance against the Titans, which could best be described as non-consensual, caused Shane's having-fun smile to appear for an almost unprecedented 5 straight hours.