Why the SEC will win another National Championship

I am guaranteeing that the SEC will win its 6th consecutive national championship.

Well first they need to get a team into the game, which shouldn't be a problem, because they have 3 teams in the top 10 and South Carolina is not far out. Last year, there was actually a possibility at one point of an Auburn vs. Alabama National Championship game. But, this year, either LSU or Alabama will go undefeated in the regular season and will face South Carolina with one loss in the SEC title game. LSU, my pick to win the west, should handle South Carolina's offense with ease. But, lets say that Alshon Jeffery dominates Heisman candidate Tyrann Mathieu, and Marcus Lattimore runs all over LSU's defense, Jordan Jefferson, Jarrett Lee, and Spencer Ware can keep LSU right there with them. LSU wins.

So LSU now needs a team to play in the BCS bowl, that comes down to Wisconsin, Oklahoma, Boise St., and Stanford. We can rule out Boise St. because they dont get the respect they deserve, sorry Mountain West. Stanford loses to Oregon in the championship game so that takes the Pac 12 out of the equation. So it comes down to undefeated conference champs Oklahoma and Wisconsin. OU has been ranked higher all season, but lose in this matchup due to strength of schedule, Wisconsin had to play Penn State, The Ohio State University, Michigan, Michigan State, and Nebraska to win the Big 10+.

So the stage is set, LSU and Jordan Jefferson, who yet again shafts Jarrett Lee out of a starting job, versus Wisconsin and Russell Wilson. LSU's secondary easily shuts down Russell Wilson early, while Wisconsin establishes the running game with Monte Ball. Against a defense from any other conference, Monte Ball would take over this game, but LSU has already faced Trent Richardson, Marcus Lattimore, and Micheal Dyer, they have a package to stop him. Meanwhile, Wisconsin's defense is no match for the LSU offense. They haven't seen a strong balanced attack like this in the Big 10+. Wisconsin has nothing unique about them to make this into something that LSU hasn't already faced in the SEC. That is why Oregon was able to hang with Auburn last year. It is impossible to replicate that offensive attack. Yet again the SEC comes out on top.

Prologue

It was a dark smokey room. The occupants in the rooms sat with hoods on their heads, around a scarred table. Only one wasn’t wearing a hood, and he was wearing a cowboy hat on his head, and trench coat. They sat crouched over the table. One of the taller figures seemed to be the leader, and the others watched carefully.

The tallest sat talking in whispers. The others were leaning in close to listen. Maps had been looked over, and were spread out across the table.
“This leads to only one last question, my friends. Can I trust you?”

“My people will support you.” growled one of the cloaked figures. “We have not forgotten what they have done to us.” It was one of the bigger people at the table. It slammed a large green scarred hand on the table.

One of the smallest figures spoke next, with a deep gravelly accent. “I do not enjoy all of those seated. I do not believe with everything you have said. But, as it has been said, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. We will support you.” It slammed a thick large hand on the table, wearing many rings.

A third figure spoke. It was a cool, calm voice. “I can’t claim to speak for all my kin, the way you two can, but only the kings seem to reap our gains. I don’t know who will support us, but I suspect most will. I’m in.” A rough, hand, that of a worker slammed on the table, callused and scarred, perhaps from years at a anvil.

The forth figure spoke, in a scratchy voice. “Long have my brothers and sisters been burned at the stake, slaughtered, and abused. We save those we can, but while they think we are evil incarnate, my kind will be slaughtered.” A thin spindly hand slammed on the table, with long dirty fingernails, and veins visible. “My siblings will join you.”

The fifth figure spoke. They were hunched over, eyes glowing in the hood. Their voice was snarling, yet smooth. “They created us, and they throught us out. They betrayed us, and called us evil. We were no ones pets, but they treated us as such.” A clawed furry paw slamed into the table, with yellow talon's. A pair of canine eyes blinked in the light, and some of the others flinched. “They will die.”

The first figure smiled. “I speak for no one but perhaps myself. And that is enough.” A hand was placed on the table. It was scarred, but tough. No rings, no jewlery, nothing except for a single tattoo adorned it, that of a gear.

There was a mummer. And then the first voice spoke again, a different tone. Now it was tinged with hate and malice, the bitter poison of carefully nursed grudge.

“We will destroy this city. They think we are but nightmares and illusions, and treat us as so. They kill us, genocide on a unimaginable scale. They kill us for what we were born. They kill us for what we make. They kill us when we speak. They slaughter our families, leave our children fatherless, rape our wives.”

“They are cowards. They are afraid, taking us on one by one. They show there strength in this, but its a farce.”

“Tomorrow when they fall asleep, the nightmare becomes real. Their houses will burn, their lands will be torched. They will fight. But this time they will fall.”

“They will fall to your clubs. They will fall to the sentient war machines. They will be slaughtered by the mobs pitchforks, and your blasts of fire. They will fall to your claws and fangs.”

“This age of tyranny, gluttony, and narcissism will fall. It will be crushed by a thousand angry fists, furious voices, and bloody anger.”

“Tomorrow, we take what they would not give us. Our freedom. Our inventions, our right to live as sentient beings. Our own choices, our right to walk without being burnt at the stake, without being slaughtered like a cow.”

“So will end the so-called Age of Light, crushed by the Age of Steel.”

“There is much to do my friends. Tomorrow....” The speaker paused, and then spitting the words like bones in meat, spoke. “We. Take. It. All.”

Technology

About five minutes ago, I had 400 words written on this blog. I was thinking it was about time to wrap it up, and then post it. Suddenly, my display shuts off for some reason. Amidst swearing and fist waving, I realize the computer is still on and is not responsive. My charger is still plugged in, so it is not an energy deal. I have had this computer, a MacBook Pro, for 6 months, so its still quite new. So why the hell am I going to have to spend another 20 minutes rewriting a completely random piece of free writing that has no real purpose? Because technology (Sorry Fritz Wallace) is consistently unreliable. We live in an age where technology is king, where people continually praise its wonders, its practicality, and its potential. Technology is wonderful, practical, and very powerful, yet it has yet to be flawless. The owners of every major technological enterprise claim with every new device that it is faster and better. Yet I have yet to notice a decreasing number off flaws in the technology I use. Every new piece of technology seems to fail me as frequently as the rest. I am certain that if I explained my woes to some computer expert (Fritz) they would supply an explanation that would only shifts the blame to me, when in fact the truth is that everything that is manufactured using many parts has an increased chance of not working, and a laptop these days has more components than almost anything. The worst part of all this is that computers fail so infrequently that we have started to rely on them too heavily, causing the failure to be so much more devastating. Sigh. I don't know how many words I have but I am posting this now before I am betrayed once more.

Complaint to Eating Well

A letter that I sent (through email) to the editors of Eating Well Magazine.

* * *

Eating Well-

As much as I enjoyed reading this October's issue of EatingWell, I was left with a sour taste in my mouth after reading "The E-Mail Home."

Your writer must have intended for this to be a humorous piece poking fun at parents and their eating habits, but I believe it portrayed parents (and grandparents for that matter) as being completely oblivious as to what they are consuming. Next time, I suggest you spend your time writing about something intended to be humorous, but don't poke fun at parents - they do the best they can to raise us to be healthy, smart and as aware as possible while tailoring to our every needs. They sacrifice a lot for our well being.

I can't wait to arrive home from school and eat a wonderfully nutritious meal thoughtfully made by my parents. Perhaps I'll get a stomach ache from eating too many greens. How ironic would that be?

Erin Donohue (age 17)

Norwich, Vermont

* * *

I guess you really had to read the piece to understand my complaint letter. Oh well...

NFL Week 2 predictions

Detroit vs. Kansas City: After a surprising loss week 1 to the Buffalo Bills, I am not expecting much from the Kansas City Chiefs. They will be without their star Safety Eric Berry, and really will have no answer for the Lions offensive attack. They Chiefs are also a very run oriented team, and will not be able to run on the Lions stout and deep defensive line. 32-7 Detroit.

Buffalo vs. Oakland: Oakland impressed me week 1 by beating the Broncos. But they won by 3 which they got on a 63 yard record tying field goal in the final seconds of the first half from Janikowski. I would not expect any field goal over 50 yards in Buffalo a tough stadium for kickers. But, Buffalo was very good offensively last week, and are a passing team playing against a run defense. 35-21 Buffalo

Minnesota vs. Tampa Bay: Tampa Bay should turn it around and Blount should run all over the Vikings D. 24-14 Buccs

New Orleans vs. Da Bearsh: Urlacher missed some time early this week due to the death of his mother, but he will be back with the team for sundays game, and the bears will rally around him and challenge the Saints. 30-27 Bears

Titans vs. Ravens: I think all I need to say is Raven's D. 24-3 Ravens.

Indy vs. Cleveland: Kerry Collins and the Indy offense should do better, and the Browns wont bring much of a pass rush, or secondary, but they will still win. 27-14 Browns.

Jets vs. Jaguars: Simply put the Jags gave away their QB. 27-3 Jets

Pittsburgh vs. Seattle: Pittsburgh's defense will not let up more than 21 points 2 consecutive weeks. They have been humiliated and will rebound. 21-0 Steelers.

Washington vs. Arizona: Neither team brings a defense to this game. Arizona win because of 2 factors: Larry Fitz, and Rex Grossman being Rex Grossman. 24-21 Arizona

Carolina vs. Green Bay: 27-18 Green Bay.

49ers vs Cowboys: Cowboys put up a fight vs. the Jets week 1, and Rob Ryan's D will shut down Frank Gore and whoever Harbaugh has at QB. 24-10 Cowboys.

New England vs. San Diego: The Dolphins were able to pass and run on the Pats defense, I think Philip Rivers and Ryan Mathews will have a field day with the Pats and their lack of a secondary.
28-27 Chargers.

Miami vs Houston: Miami was impressive offensively week 1. I think they come into this game with confidence and Reggie Bush should run all over the Texans' D. 24-21 Dolphins.

Denver vs Cincy: Cincy doesn't have Andy Dalton, so Denver should pull this one out. 21-14 Denver.

Atlanta vs. Philly: the Eagles' Superteam will dominates Matty Ice and the Falcons. 38-21 Eagles.

NY Giants vs. St. Louis: Rams will be without Steven Jackson. 21-10 G Men.

Modern Art by Fritz Wallace

I have seen a good number of oil slicks, and good amount of modern art. The latter I would consider generally more harmful, for unlike the oozing slick, it is a deliberate disaster, a conscientious, and thought out attack on go scocsity od taste.

The modern artist is the waste product of society. While his peers attempt to try to gain a greater understanding of the universe through physics, mathematics, and neuro-chemestry, the modern artist attempts to gain understanding with the help of Cannabis sativa, and various similar compounds. They have little understanding of color and perception, only knowing that "more is better".

Now, when I say modern art, I do not talk about the twisted pieces of metal found outside large corporate structures, nor do refer to the Lovecraftian architectural masterpieces/horrors perpetuated by certain architects on unsuspecting millionaires. If it exists in more then 2 dimensions, or could not be created by a over eager man with crowbar with access to his ex-wifes husbands car, it is not what I am referring to.

Modern art tends to be flat. It may have lumps of paint, or wrinkled canvas, but the art will be flat. If encountered anywhere but in a art museum, one would get the impression that a world championship paintball tournament had had happened somewhere in the vicinity, and that one team had taken to hiding behind a large piece of fabric, and the other had attempted to blast the crap out of it.

Now, some will say that I am overly harsh. They will point to the good reveiws of critics, to the lavish amounts of money paid for them. To which I will reply, there are people who pay to have fish eat dead skin off your feet. Let me say that again. Fish. Eating skin. Off your feet. (This is still a better use of money then modern art)

Now, why then does modern art seem so well liked? The root of the problem here is not the art, by the reviewer.

Consider the modern day art critic. He dines at fine restaurants. He wears inauspicious, but tailor made suits. He attends parties that would best be described as Galas, but without dancing. He drinks, eats, breaths, and lives off the very pinnacle of refinement in our culture. He is the sort of person who fixs typos in his late night reading. His late night reading is the dictionary. He can write 10,000 words about the symbolism in a picture of a man standing on the beach. Whether or not the beach goer in question is thinking anything more then "I wish I had put on more sun screen" or "Did I lock the hotel door?", the critic can still write a waterfall of words about this.

Now consider what happens to this poor sheltered member of the human race when he encounters modern art. His mental thesaurus fails him. His perception of good taste and the sort of things you should find in galleries is inexplicably shattered. He must then write 1,000 words on it. 1,000 words, a paltry amount, now a mountion from a molehill. What can he write? That it was "Stunning"? "Shocking"? "Undescribable"? "Unprecedented"? It's all he can write. And this makes modern art look good.

So perhaps you may enjoy it. Perhaps you can delude yourself into believing there is a deeper meaning. Go ahead. Its your time and money.

I however, in lieu of the recent Supreme Court ruling, will be enjoying my art on a computer screen, and try to level up a Assassin to 20. For the eighth time. God I hate Werecats.

Dear Cam Newton,

Congratulations on the BCS championship, you definitely defended your hiesman status in that game. How awesome did it feel to win, after such a turbulent season with all that scandle stuff involving you taking money from colleges? I had your back the whole time, clearly you are too much of an upstanding citizen to partake in illegal activities, and went to school just for the education and opportunity to play good football. I was wondering though, with the NFL putting salary caps on rookie contracts next year, will you go into the draft this year and get paid or will you wait and finish your college education before going to the NFL? I bet that decision is one that requires lots of thought, but if it were my decision, I would take the money.

-john staiger